Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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