I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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