This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
