I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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