You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
