I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
