yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
