You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
