its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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