8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
