I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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