I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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