I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
