Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
