That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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