Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
