I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
