The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
