i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
