Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
