nut hugger
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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