I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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