You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
