Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
