i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
