She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize