your parents love me but you hate me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
