Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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