we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
pray to the hookup gods
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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