I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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