At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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