better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
