she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
