who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
