WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
