I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
