No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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