PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
