'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
