It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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