there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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