I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
