Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
