so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
