I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
