I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
