I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Will exercising make me less horny?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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