the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
