Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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