didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
