No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
