I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
