I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
