The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
