Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
