when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
