12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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