im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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