HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He? As in you personified your dick?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
