Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I smell stomach acid.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
