The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
