i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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