Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize