And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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