dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In America we eat man semen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
