When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
