It's like God shit irony all over that family
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
