I met the friendliest cop last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So apparently I’m into choking now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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