We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
