Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
